MovieMartyr.com - Thirteen Ghosts

Thirteen Ghosts, a high-budget spectacle of garish overkill, seems to be about the fear of the ghosts of bad editing. Few films outside of Requiem for a Dream have managed to assault me with quick-cuts, flash-cuts and flashing lights as this one has. Apparently, the filmmakers realized how incredibly fake their ghouls looked, so they decided to never show them onscreen for more than five frames of film. Every time one shows up (and they are ever-present in this film) the screen flashes like a strobe light. This is not a movie for epileptics.

The movie, which is a remake of William Castle’s 1960 shocker of the same name, retains the tongue in cheek feel of Castle’s films, thankfully. There is little in the plot, which traps a family in a haunted mansion that they have inherited, that would benefit from a serious treatment, so when the introductory family scenes are presented as snappy catfights, the audience can breathe a sigh of relief. What’s unfortunate here is that the update shifts the focus on the kids in the original to the adults. The kids (Shannon Elizabeth and Alec Roberts) aren’t the most likable actors on the planet, though, so perhaps I should be thankful. The family, which is apparently poor after a fire has taken their house (don’t these people have insurance?) and mother, still maintains a live-in nanny, if for no other reason than to provide the black horror movie character that has become obligatory post-Scream 2.

The other characters aren’t given any more justification. There’s an evil lawyer (inventive!) that for some reason brings the family along to a mansion they know nothing about, although he intends to rob the house. That he has been hired at all makes far less by the film’s end. Matthew Lillard shows up as a psychic from the power company that the family allows to wander around their new home. None of the ghosts have much personality beyond their appearance. It’s not that disappointing that these characters aren’t better developed though, since they’re all just ghost fodder. As a genre piece, it’s slightly better than average. Naturally, characters get split up, and reveal they are more than they initially appeared, but none of this is shocking. It’s garish, but it’s also gory. There are only a few dead spots (har har) where I grew bored, and the film doesn’t pussyfoot around before getting to the action. If anything, it’s too much, too soon for my tastes.

Note: I am docking 1/2 * since the film doesn’t use the original’s “Illusion-O” ghost viewers. Essentially 3-D glasses, these allowed the audience to see the ghosts on screen only when they looked through a pair of glasses that they were given. This remake, like the Castle picture, shows the characters onscreen viewing the ghosts through such glasses, but the audience doesn’t get to join in on the fun. Considering the film’s campy appeal, this would have helped a great deal. It’s unfortunate that the filmmakers don’t show Castle’s level of gimmicky showmanship.

October, 2001

Jeremy Heilman